There has been a swirling controversy over a freestyle that rapper Jay Z performed at his Webster Hall conference in May. His freestyle, which was to honor slain rapper and entrepreneur Nipsey Hussle, has the following lyrics:
Gentrify your own hood before these people do it/ Claim eminent domain and have your people move in/ That’s a small glimpse into what Nipsey was doing/ For anybody still confused as to what he was doing.”
Some folks said on Twitterthat gentrification can only be viewed in a negative way because it requires pricing people out of their own neighborhood.
In honor of Father’s Day, I’m sharing some of the greatest pieces of advice my father has given me over the years. He tended to speak in parables/riddles – it took me several decades for the meanings to sink in and resonate. There is that moment (as popularized by a series of Progressive Auto Insurance commercials) when you realize that you’ve become your parents. I find myself using a few of these – at work, in speeches, or when there is simply no other way to explain a situation.
So here we go! Imagine all of these said with a Jamaican patois accent for full effect.
My father and I when I was a munchkin, giving you 70s realness…
It’s not where you begin, it’s where you get off
This gem is a reminder that it’s all about the journey as well as the end result. You could have had a rough start, a slow start, or botched a few things along the way. If you end up in a good place, how and where you started becomes irrelevant.
You have to have 2 types of friends – the one who can push the car, and the one who can sign the papers.
This one is so real to me. It’s a reminder not to be a snob. Don’t exclusively run with one group of people – make sure to be diverse in your friends and acquaintances. It’s easy to say “oh I’m educated, I don’t socialize with certain people“. Just because someone may not have the same educational level as you does not mean they aren’t a good person or worthy of your friendship. And as a practical matter, the partner at a law firm is (generally) not going to come down from his/her office and jump start your car if your battery dies. But the janitor, if you have been treating him/her with respect, will help you out.
My father and I at my law school graduation
Make hay while the sun is still shining
My father grew up in an agricultural area of Jamaica. It’s literal – after dark you can’t get a whole lot done. But on another level, it encourages me to get a jump on things early, and not procrastinate. It could be a business idea, a project, or a chore. You never know when you will lose an opportunity or time will run out on you (literally or figuratively). His biggest push was for me to finish my education before pursuing anything else – because life has a tendency to get in the way of finishing goals (bills to pay, family, etc.).
A king never gets recognition in his own country.
There’s nothing worse than putting all of your efforts into something, and it not working out the way you planned.
Sometimes it goes completely sideways and you get drama for trying to do a good thing.
But sometimes, you get recognition or support from the unlikeliest of places, while those you thought would support you are nowhere to be found. This is a reminder that it’s not so bad, just do your best and the rest will see for itself.
Stand crooked and cut straight
This is my personal favorite — I have been using it like crazy of late. Sometimes you find yourself in a bad situation. Use where you are as a way to get yourself out and make future plans. For instance, your job is not working out well. For the time being, stay in it, but focus on where you want to be. Network, get another degree, learn the skills that will help you get as well as succeed at the job you really want. It’s all about making the best of the current situation while working on getting to the next level.

In closing, I hope you enjoyed these gems – please share the favorites from your family!
Happy Father’s Day!
My father’s 80th birthday, giving you dapper all day!
Super thrilled that my latest piece appears on the blog Very Smart Brothas. They are doing a series “America in Black”. My piece explores the stereotypes and misconceptions held by all races of what it means to be a black woman.
“Every black person’s struggle takes a different path but has the same theme. In my legal career, the struggle is respect, being heard, and having the ability to make meaningful change to uplift communities of color. The bias looks the same—while some people of color may be hesitant to embrace you because you’re perceived as “bougie,” certain white folks marvel that you can afford a luxury purse or a high-end foreign car without being tied to illegal activity. I was once at an event when a judge joked to me whether or not my Michael Kors purse was a result of dropping cases as a prosecutor.”
Please see my first piece on theRoot.com. I tackle the issue if whether or not Senator Kamala Harris’ time as a prosecutor should take her out of the race for president. I also share my perspective as a former prosecutor of color.
The piece caused quite a stir on Twitter and in the comments section of the Root.
To be clear, I am adopting a wait and see approach — with an open mind and proceeding with caution, as with anyone who wants to sit in the Oval Office. It seems like some politicians are allowed a “complicated” past while others are faced with a high level scrutiny. I think people are allowed (and should!) evolve and grow around issues of policy. Let’s see what the next year brings!
Senator Kamala Harris. Photo credit: Chip Somodivella/Getty Images
Since announcing her intention to run for president this past Martin Luther King Day, a firestorm has swirled around Sen. Kamala Harris. Some attack her for her personal life; others attack her based on her record as a prosecutor in California. Kamala served as San Francisco district attorney from 2004 to 2011 and as California attorney general from 2011 to 2017. She joined the United States Senate in 2017, where she still serves today.
Some accuse her of not being “pro-black” because of her work as a prosecutor, stating that a prosecutor upholds a racist system.
Let’s get thing straight—you can be pro-black and a prosecutor.
I was saddened to learn that celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain died by his own hand. When the news broke, I was in Paris for a work trip; he was also in France filming his show “Parts Unknown”. He has always been someone I wanted to meet. I’ve read his novels (Gone Bamboo, Bone in Throat). I followed his shows from Travel Channel to CNN’s Parts Unknown. Anthony had the coolest adventures, dove into a country’s politics head first, and provided me with even more countries for my travel bucket list.
In the last few episodes I watched, I thought he didn’t look good. He was thinner, more gray, and seemed to be going through the motions. The joy was no longer in his eyes. He was less of a prankster.
The signs were there – something was wrong.
As I realized in the last couple of years in my own life, travelling for work can be perilous. It seems glam at first —but after the newness subsides, it gets really overwhelming. Another hotel, another bed, the air conditioning in the room is not quite right, preventing a good night’s sleep. By always being away, you miss friend’s birthdays, events, dinner parties. You start to feel isolated. Add depression to the mix, and it becomes a deadly combination. You do it because you love the work (hopefully), but it can be killing you.
It’s possible that’s what happened to Anthony.
People often look at celebrities, or regular folks and say “but what do they have to be depressed about?! So and so has money, fame, a beautiful house and spouse.” The trappings of material things do not address internal emotional pain. The mindset that one has “no reason” to be depressed often serves as a barrier to either giving or getting the help that is needed.
Depression can result from any of a number of things — a “reason” is not required.
Depression is incredibly horrendous. No matter how awesome your life may be on the outside or on social media, your heart may be breaking. When you’re deeply depressed, death speaks to you. It’s like the siren’s song. It says “come sweetie, I’ll make you feel better. I’ll end this pain”. After drinking, drugs, or a painful event, she’s even more seductive. You need the voices of friends and family to drown it out, as well as a great therapist — sometimes including medication.
Depression is not something that can be prayed away, or ignored. You don’t just “get over it”. It takes work, and you literally have to fight for your life. You will have setbacks. You will have days you can’t get out of bed. Sometimes the medication prescribed to you doesn’t help, and you need a new formula. The fight is worth it because it does get better.
If you have never been in this much pain, you are lucky. It’s not because you are strong or better than someone who has been there. It’s like being in a car accident. Some people never have had one; others have. Some people get horribly depressed, others don’t. But just the same way you do not judge someone for having a car accident, you should not judge someone for depression. It’s easy to say about Anthony “oh how selfish, what about his child”. In his pain, he may have thought he was doing her a favor. Remember, depression has a powerful voice in your head, grossly distorting reality.
Never underestimate the pain of another. Be kind to others. I read a beautiful thread on Twitter of how a group of friends came together to help a friend that was suffering from depression after the death of her father. Although she was shutting everyone out, they literally came to her house en masse, cleaned up, brought food, and made it a party. It helped her tremendously. It’s risky, but is an idea on how to help a depressed friend.
If you are constantly on the road for work, try to maintain your connections at home. Take time to rest, use your vacation time, and if possible, try to take your loved ones on the road with you.
If you are in pain, seek help, and disregard the opinions of others who try to dissuade you from therapy. Fight that mute button that depression places on your throat. It’s a hard battle, but know you are loved and you are valued. You will be missed, no matter what the voices in your head say.
I say this to my fellow social justice warriors and people of color. Please practice self care. Please check on each other. Get a therapist if you feel you need one. Being in the struggle for justice can take a horrible toll.
RIP Anthony Bourdain….and all others who have lost their battle with depression.
See resources on suicide prevention at http://www.sprc.org/.
If you are in the South Florida area and need resources, message me.
The Resident Legal Diva 