Goodbye My Dear Friend…

On March 19, 2016 By Melba V. PearsonIn Uncategorized4 Comments

On Thursday I laid my friend Cecy to rest.

I can’t even get my mind around the fact that she’s gone.

It doesn’t make sense; one minute she’s here and we’re joking around, the next minute her heart gave out, and in a few days she was gone.

Cecy was my assistant at work for close to five years. She was my right hand, and my confidante. She was the cool auntie you had drinks with — a few years ahead of me in age, filled with life experience and great advice. Not only did she keep my cases together, she kept my head together during some very challenging years of my life.

What I adored about her was her good heart. The love story she had with her husband Tony, and the journey to love the second time around inspired me, giving me hope when I was in a dark place before meeting my husband. I was working through the aftermath of a destructive relationship — she was an amazing support. She had the ability to have me in stitches, while simultaneously telling me to get myself together. She was an amazing mom, and so thrilled to become a new grandma. I will never forget the unabashed joy on her face at my wedding — that mental picture will stay with me forever.

Although I was frightened, I went to see her at the hospital. Through the tubes and machines, I saw my friend. I kissed her, told her I loved her, and cracked a few jokes about the fun things we were going to do after this scare was over. I tried desperately to keep a brave face in front of her husband and family. I got into the elevator with my husband, and an uncontrollable wail came from the depths of my soul.

Because although my mind said that she can get past this and be fine, my heart already knew the truth.

That truth was confirmed two days later.

I hope I hugged her enough.

I hope she knew how much I cared.

I hope she knew what an amazing soul she was.

My heart is so broken.

Rest in peace Cecy.

Eternal Love! 15 Photos Of David Bowie & Iman Over The Years

On January 12, 2016January 23, 2016 By Melba V. PearsonIn Pop LifeLeave a comment

UNITED KINGDOM – JULY 09: David Bowie & Wife Iman, The Serpentine Gallery Summer Party In London. (Photo by Dave Benett/Getty Images)

While the world has lost an incredibly creative music icon in David Bowie, supermodel and businesswoman Iman has lost the love of her life. I look at the pictures, and my heart utterly breaks for her. I have always been fascinated by the couple–both successful in their own right, strong, and went against the grain without hesitation. I admired the fact that although their art was edgy, their personal life seemingly was not. They were not in the news with infidelity, fights and foolishness. I’m sure they had their ups and downs like every couple, but they were able to keep it out of the public eye. In the days of Kimye and other publicity stunt couples, the dignity of David and Iman will be sorely missed.

I see the love in these pictures, and as a wife, I grieve for her.

Life is short — live hard, love harder, and tell the people that mean something to you that you love them

Visit my friends at GlobalGrind below for more pictures.

Source: Eternal Love! 15 Photos Of David Bowie & Iman Over The Years

Living Through Loss During the Holidays

On December 21, 2015 By Melba V. PearsonIn Good Vibes, Uncategorized4 Comments

Since Thanksgiving, I have had several friends who have lost parents or close family members. There’s nothing worse than grieving during the holidays. Here are some ways to get through it — from my own experience in losing my mother and turning into the ultimate Grinch.

grief-is-the-price-we__quotes-by-queen-elizabeth-ii-96

Tips for Grieving

Take it day by day, minute by minute. Don’t think beyond today. It’s easier that way.
It’s a rollercoaster. You will feel a ton of emotions – anger one minute, crying the next, laughing for a moment. It’s totally normal although it feels weird. You’re working through all those memories and emotions at the same time, and that’s how it manifests itself. Take it one step at a time, and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling without judgment.
If is the most evil word in the English language. You may be feeling “if” I did xyz the outcome would have been different. When you feel that, make a list of the things you think you “should” have done, and list the things you DID do. It may be longer than you think — especially if you cared for an ailing parent, relative or loved one.
It’s OK to be mad at God. You may ask, why did God put me through this? Why did I have to watch my loved one suffer? Why did it have to end this way? We never get to know why. Being mad at God is normal in the short term. But know this…in the next few years, you will see a shift (hopefully positive) in the lives that your loved one touched. People will make decisions to honor the person; people will feel emboldened to make decisions because of the person. Your loved one’s spirit resides with you to guide you in times of need. Literally I have heard my mother’s voice in times of need, so I speak truth in this. It is not the same as having the person there, but it is a really strong force. This never answers the question why…but our lives are intertwined as part of a greater plan.
Have compassion for yourself. If you were a primary caregiver, your compassion has been focused on your loved one, for their pain and suffering. Now, it is time to take care of yourself. It is time for you to heal from the stress, the pain and go through the grieving process. Turn the compassion that you sent outwards inwards to heal yourself.
Take it easy on yourself. There is no standard for grieving; you do what you can when you can. Don’t force yourself to be somewhere emotionally where you are not. If the thought of going to a party, smiling and being festive makes you sick, don’t go! If you get to a party and can’t handle it, it’s ok to leave.
Everyone grieves differently. Men and women can be different. My husband went back to work the next week after losing his mother; another male friend of mine went to work the next day after losing his mother. I needed a few days and still was not in good shape.
Everyone takes their own time to recover. Some say a year later “you should be over this”. Says who? Everyone heals differently. I was very close with my mother, so losing her was really hard. I’ve had other friends who had a strained relationship with their family, but healed even more slowly because things were left unsaid.
Relinquish control. As strong people (especially as women), we usually have control over work and our lives. It’s rare we have something that we totally can’t control. Health, life and emotions we cannot control no matter how hard we try. So just let go. It’s easier said than done, but give it a shot.
Don’t underestimate the power of a funeral. Funerals are more than just a ceremony. It’s the hardest moment in your life; but it helps bring closure. During the funeral, you will hear things about your loved one that will surprise you, make you laugh, touch you, and that will stay with you forever.
Each day will be different. Some days you can get out bed, others you want to die. Real talk. But it does get better eventually.
Friends will let you down, and kindness will come from the strangest places. Your friends (especially if they have not had a loss of someone close) may draw away from you, because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing. And there are other random folks who you are not close with who will totally lift you up. It’s not their fault or a reflection on your friendship.
Get therapy if you need it. Don’t be afraid to talk about it to someone who is objective and not involved. They won’t get sick of hearing you say the same thing over and over again.
Life will never be the same. But you will find a new normal.

This post is dedicated to the memory of my mother, Merle Pearson who absolutely loved Christmas. I also dedicate this post to all who are grieving this season. I’m sending you a huge hug.

grief

Rest In Peace Former Director Bobby Parker

On August 5, 2015August 5, 2015 By Melba V. PearsonIn Uncategorized1 Comment

This past Saturday, former Miami-Dade Police Department Director Robert “Bobby” Parker was laid to rest. He retired in 2009 after rising through the ranks to become the first African American in the department’s top job. Director Parker was named Miami-Dade Police Director in 2004 by then Miami Dade County Mayor Carlos Alvarez. Director Parker joined the force in 1976 and quickly worked his way up the ranks. He spent 33 years in the eighth largest police department in the US, doing what he did best — protecting, serving and mentoring.

My memory of him was sitting next to him in 2009, as we were giving commencement speeches to the police academy class. We had met casually before, but this was the first extended contact I had with him. When he gave his speech, he reminded the young officers that the police uniform will bring new attention, so do not forget who you started out with.

I thought to myself “wow, things are that hectic that the Director has to tell folks not to cheat on their partners?”

But, he was right, and it was sage advice.

Throughout my career I had seen (and continue to see) officers get caught up in power and following the crowd — in the process, destroying their families. Bobby’s words of staying grounded rang so true; I often wondered how many of those new officers heeded his advice.

Since that day, we ran into each other frequently at community events. He always had an easy smile, and a great demeanor. I saw the many causes we shared in common, and that he had a genuine concern for the next generation, especially young African American men.

I had been out of town the last few weeks at the National Black Prosecutors Conference, and attending family matters, returning to discover he had passed away…and at his own hand.

It was right after his 62nd birthday

My heart broke into a million pieces.

I don’t know what happened. All I can say is this. Never be afraid to ask for help, no matter where you are in life. There is no shame in going to therapy; there is no weakness in speaking to someone about your problems. Who cares what is “macho” or not!

If someone comes to you wanting to talk, don’t blow it off or turn them away. We need to take care of each other, and find coping mechanisms to deal with the stress of life before it overwhelms us. If you sense a friend is in trouble, just ask the question. Put aside whatever “bro-code”. I know we have to respect the privacy of others, but also follow your gut if you sense something.

And yes I will say it. My fellow African Americans, we have to stop this stigma of “therapy and depression is a White people thing”. Because it’s not — it’s real. Depression doesn’t stop to check what race you are before it invades your mind and destroys your spirit. Depression is killing us in different ways; therapy, medications, and other healthy coping mechanisms can help sort things out.

And guess what?

There are African American therapists, so cultural sensitivity is not a problem.

My mother always had a saying “Once there is life, there is hope”.

There is no problem without a solution, you just may need help finding it.

So please. Help yourself. Help each other.

Bobby, rest in peace. You left us way too soon.

My deepest condolences to the Parker family, and to my brothers and sisters in blue who are grieving right now.

Happy 4th Mother’s Day in Heaven, Ma…

On May 10, 2015May 10, 2015 By Melba V. PearsonIn Good Vibes, Pop LifeLeave a comment

It’s been 3 years, but 4 Mother’s Days without you, and I still miss you. Sending up big hugs and kisses.

Much love to all the mothers out there…but a special shout out to all who are missing their mothers today. Jenna Rose wrote a beautiful letter addressing being without your mom on Mother’s Day for USA Today…couldn’t have said it better myself. Check it out here.