I’m off snowboarding in Stowe…but I had to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas! Never lose that sense of child like wonder that the season brings.
M.
Category: Good Vibes
Positive News…we all need a pick me up!!!
Living Through Loss During the Holidays
Since Thanksgiving, I have had several friends who have lost parents or close family members. There’s nothing worse than grieving during the holidays. Here are some ways to get through it — from my own experience in losing my mother and turning into the ultimate Grinch.
Tips for Grieving
- Take it day by day, minute by minute. Don’t think beyond today. It’s easier that way.
- It’s a rollercoaster. You will feel a ton of emotions – anger one minute, crying the next, laughing for a moment. It’s totally normal although it feels weird. You’re working through all those memories and emotions at the same time, and that’s how it manifests itself. Take it one step at a time, and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling without judgment.
- If is the most evil word in the English language. You may be feeling “if” I did xyz the outcome would have been different. When you feel that, make a list of the things you think you “should” have done, and list the things you DID do. It may be longer than you think — especially if you cared for an ailing parent, relative or loved one.
- It’s OK to be mad at God. You may ask, why did God put me through this? Why did I have to watch my loved one suffer? Why did it have to end this way? We never get to know why. Being mad at God is normal in the short term. But know this…in the next few years, you will see a shift (hopefully positive) in the lives that your loved one touched. People will make decisions to honor the person; people will feel emboldened to make decisions because of the person. Your loved one’s spirit resides with you to guide you in times of need. Literally I have heard my mother’s voice in times of need, so I speak truth in this. It is not the same as having the person there, but it is a really strong force. This never answers the question why…but our lives are intertwined as part of a greater plan.
- Have compassion for yourself. If you were a primary caregiver, your compassion has been focused on your loved one, for their pain and suffering. Now, it is time to take care of yourself. It is time for you to heal from the stress, the pain and go through the grieving process. Turn the compassion that you sent outwards inwards to heal yourself.
- Take it easy on yourself. There is no standard for grieving; you do what you can when you can. Don’t force yourself to be somewhere emotionally where you are not. If the thought of going to a party, smiling and being festive makes you sick, don’t go! If you get to a party and can’t handle it, it’s ok to leave.
- Everyone grieves differently. Men and women can be different. My husband went back to work the next week after losing his mother; another male friend of mine went to work the next day after losing his mother. I needed a few days and still was not in good shape.
- Everyone takes their own time to recover. Some say a year later “you should be over this”. Says who? Everyone heals differently. I was very close with my mother, so losing her was really hard. I’ve had other friends who had a strained relationship with their family, but healed even more slowly because things were left unsaid.
- Relinquish control. As strong people (especially as women), we usually have control over work and our lives. It’s rare we have something that we totally can’t control. Health, life and emotions we cannot control no matter how hard we try. So just let go. It’s easier said than done, but give it a shot.
- Don’t underestimate the power of a funeral. Funerals are more than just a ceremony. It’s the hardest moment in your life; but it helps bring closure. During the funeral, you will hear things about your loved one that will surprise you, make you laugh, touch you, and that will stay with you forever.
- Each day will be different. Some days you can get out bed, others you want to die. Real talk. But it does get better eventually.
- Friends will let you down, and kindness will come from the strangest places. Your friends (especially if they have not had a loss of someone close) may draw away from you, because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing. And there are other random folks who you are not close with who will totally lift you up. It’s not their fault or a reflection on your friendship.
- Get therapy if you need it. Don’t be afraid to talk about it to someone who is objective and not involved. They won’t get sick of hearing you say the same thing over and over again.
- Life will never be the same. But you will find a new normal.
This post is dedicated to the memory of my mother, Merle Pearson who absolutely loved Christmas. I also dedicate this post to all who are grieving this season. I’m sending you a huge hug.
M.
New Year, New Level: Starting Your Own Business
As we approach the month of December, I know some of you are reflecting on the year that was, as well as the promise of the year to come. Soon, we will be making resolutions (or as I like to do, set intentions) for what we will accomplish in 2016. Inevitably, we resolve to “get to the next level” — whether it be in a career, relationship, finances, or attaining some dream.
Here is the first in a series of posts designed to get you to the next level in your life. Yesterday was #SmallBusinessSaturday, to be followed by #CyberMonday. The push to support small and minority businesses is growing, especially with the #BuyBlack hashtag on the internet. I was honored to have guest blogger Robert Rogers, a business and immigration attorney in Coral Gables, Florida, share his expertise on how to start a small business of your own. If this has been your dream, or one of someone close to you, this one’s for you! Let’s make it happen!
How to Start a Business and Protect Yourself
Starting a new business is an exciting time, but it’s also one that you should approach with caution and ample preparation.
Follow these tips for your blossoming business and help protect yourself in weathering any storms.
Craft a Business Plan
Putting together a business plan is your way of creating a set of goals for the future and articulating the mission of your company. Logically creating a business plan will help you to prepare, plan and manage your business for the long run.
Select the Right Business Location
If you’re going to have an office location, it’s important to identify a location that’s ideal for customers, but also one that is in compliance with local zoning laws. You may want to consult with a specialist on zoning laws before moving forward with your business. Carefully consider whether your physical location will impact your business in a big way.
Your next step should be to study your business market carefully. You need to see how your products or services compare with what’s already available on the market, who your target customers are, and what licensing or government regulations may impact the set up or management of your business. Looking at demographic data can also tell you about how many of your target customers may already be in your physical area.
Establish a Brand Identity
You’ll need both a professional logo and a name for your business in order to bring legitimacy before the day of your launch. Although there are online tools that can help you with this, it’s strongly recommended that you consult with an attorney to protect all of your rights and ensure that you’re in compliance with any relevant regulations as well as industry best practices.
Consulting with an attorney can also help you figure out whether your logo is indeed unique or whether it might potentially cross a copyright infringement barrier. Knowing this ahead of time can save you significant headaches down the road. Be sure from the beginning and get a lawyer’s expertise sooner rather than later.
Consider Business Structure
The nature of your startup will determine how much help you’ll need as far as determining the process of incorporation or formalizing partnership agreements. It’s a vital decision to select what type of structure your business will be founded under. So it’s one you should consider carefully both with regard to your current and your future goals.
The business structure you select will also significantly impact your tax situation so it’s a good idea to bring in an accountant on board from the beginning so that you understand the various implications of your final decision.
As with all things business related, it’s better to work with an experienced attorney when handling any kind of complex legal matter. At the start of your business, the selection of your initial structure can be critical and therefore requires the inside of an outsider.
You also should consider getting a federal tax ID number as soon as possible. This is to help establish your business as a separate legal entity from you and may also be referred to as an Employer Identification Number (EIN). This is issued by the IRS and allows the IRS to track any company transactions.
Bear in mind that a sole proprietor is not obligated to obtain a tax ID number but it may still be a good idea so that you don’t have to provide your private information like a social security number for business matters.
Review Potential Employee Laws
As soon as you establish a new company and hire your first employee, you have legal obligations as an employer. Make sure you’ve consulted with an employment law professional so that you understand these various obligations such as self-employment taxes, worker’s compensation rules, anti-discrimination laws, wage and hour requirements, unemployment insurance, withholding taxes, federal and state payroll, and safety regulations.
Obtain Necessary Permits and Trademarks
Depending on the physical location and the type of business, you may need to obtain one or more business permits or licenses from a state or local authority. This could include health department permits, sales, tax, licenses, or land use permits among others.
Although you’re not actually required by law to register a trademark, doing so can allow you to have common law rights as an owner. Trademark law is notoriously complex and should only be handled by an experienced attorney.
Final thought
Venturing into your own business is a very responsible decision. Following an organized and well thought out plan is the first step to the pursuit of success and there are many professionals that will assist along the way.
Attorney Robert Rogers practices in small business and immigration law with an office in Miami, Florida. He has extensive experience helping internationals in United States business ventures along with helping foreigners with their immigration needs. Please feel free to visit his website at http://www.coralLaw.com. You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. Not only is the food great (!!) but it causes me to take a moment to reflect.
I am thankful for life, because every day above ground is a good day.
I am thankful for the opportunity to be heard, as well as giving a voice to others.
I am thankful for love — having it in my life, while being able to express it.
I am thankful for my amazingly supportive husband who is there for the crazy ride that can be my life.
Most of all, I am thankful to all of you for reading my musings, giving your thoughts, and providing your support.
Wishing you all the best today and every day!
M.
We Don’t Want You Here…
In the past week, students University of Missouri have been engaged in an act of protest, showing solidarity in response injustices that are happening in their school. Graduate student Jonathan Butler has been on a week long hunger strike to protest the horrors that he had been dealing with on the University of Missouri campus, and the failure of the administration to act. Once the football team learned of Butler’s courageous act, they refused to play football until University President Tim Wolfe stepped down.
The issues that Butler and other students have confronted include a swastika scrawled in human excrement; racial slurs, and physical confrontations resulting in an environment of racial tension directed at the African-American students, which was especially heightened around the re-election of President Obama; and cutting of health care services for graduate students. The school seems to have stood silent and done nothing. One poignant story that Butler recounted on the Tom Joyner Morning Show in an interview yesterday was a how a young lady was raped on campus, and reported the rape to student services. Student services did nothing, and the resulting trauma led to the young lady taking her life.
The tipping point came when Butler engaged in his hunger strike. Several African American members of the football team approached him, concerned for his life (as reported in the Kansas City Star). They engaged in a discussion, then approached their teammates — both White and African American, who agreed to refuse to play until the president stepped down. Coach Gary Pinkel, also White, supported them as well.
What has struck me is not only the strength of these young students, but the backlash they have received on social media. It is clear that some of these folks have not bothered to read what their grievances are. Some of the comments read:
“oh, they should be happy to be in that school. Playing football is a privilege.”
The only reason they are there is because they play football. They should starve and be kicked out of school.”
The comments, of course, devolved into a more racist nature from there. I leave you to use your imagination and fill in the blanks.
The other interesting comment was made by Tom Joyner on his morning show, and by J Anthony Brown, where they said that if the students had went to a Historically Black College or University (HBCU), they would not have to confront racism.
My question is this: do we bow to “we don’t want you here?”
What would have happened if Rosa Parks stood silent, and accepted that she was not wanted on the front of the bus? What would have happened if Dr. Martin Luther King had heeded the warnings of others to stay in silent when he saw injustices, and not go where he was not wanted? What if others had decided that segregated schools were just good enough, and not fought for equal opportunities?
The Missouri students learned the priceless lesson of unifying behind the cause of justice, and in their determination, brought many races together, while enlightening others. They would not have learned that in practice at an HBCU; only the theory from the history books. In one climactic day, Jonathan Butler brought together the faculty, who walked out of the classroom to support him, the football team, the Jewish student union and the African-American students in solidarity. To go on a hunger strike is not a trivial matter. Try going without food for a day. Was it easy? Now do it for a week for a cause you believe in. Jonathan Butler was ready to die for his beliefs. The young men of the football team stood up against pressure to play on behalf of the university, and showed courage beyond their years. As a result of the protests, the president and the chancellor resigned.
Their voices were heard, and change resulted. This has always been the catalyst for change in this country — from slavery, to voting, to equal rights for all.
“We don’t want you here” has not worked to keep women out of the workplace, African Americans from succeeding, immigrants from pursuing their dreams, gays from marrying and countless others from finding their purpose. Too many sacrificed their lives for any of us to make choices in the spirit of fear of reprisals due to discrimination, racism, or any other ism/phobia. The choice is ours and the sky is the limit!!
Keep pushing. Keep fighting. Well done young men, you have made those whose shoulders you have stood upon proud.
The Resident Legal Diva 