Pearls of Wisdom From Papa P.

Pearls of Wisdom From Papa P.

In honor of Father’s Day, I’m sharing some of the greatest pieces of advice my father has given me over the years. He tended to speak in parables/riddles – it took me several decades for the meanings to sink in and resonate. There is that moment (as popularized by a series of Progressive Auto Insurance commercials) when you realize that you’ve become your parents. I find myself using a few of these – at work, in speeches, or when there is simply no other way to explain a situation.

So here we go! Imagine all of these said with a Jamaican patois accent for full effect.

My father and I when I was a munchkin, giving you 70s realness…

It’s not where you begin, it’s where you get off

This gem is a reminder that it’s all about the journey as well as the end result. You could have had a rough start, a slow start, or botched a few things along the way. If you end up in a good place, how and where you started becomes irrelevant.

 

You have to have 2 types of friends – the one who can push the car, and the one who can sign the papers.

This one is so real to me. It’s a reminder not to be a snob. Don’t exclusively run with one group of people – make sure to be diverse in your friends and acquaintances. It’s easy to say “oh I’m educated, I don’t socialize with certain people“. Just because someone may not have the same educational level as you does not mean they aren’t a good person or worthy of your friendship. And as a practical matter, the partner at a law firm is (generally) not going to come down from his/her office and jump start your car if your battery dies. But the janitor, if you have been treating him/her with respect, will help you out.

My father and I at my law school graduation

 

Make hay while the sun is still shining

My father grew up in an agricultural area of Jamaica. It’s literal – after dark you can’t get a whole lot done. But on another level, it encourages me to get a jump on things early, and not procrastinate. It could be a business idea, a project, or a chore. You never know when you will lose an opportunity or time will run out on you (literally or figuratively). His biggest push was for me to finish my education before pursuing anything else – because life has a tendency to get in the way of finishing goals (bills to pay, family, etc.).

 

A king never gets recognition in his own country.

There’s nothing worse than putting all of your efforts into something, and it not working out the way you planned.

Sometimes it goes completely sideways and you get drama for trying to do a good thing.

But sometimes, you get recognition or support from the unlikeliest of places, while those you thought would support you are nowhere to be found. This is a reminder that it’s not so bad, just do your best and the rest will see for itself.

 

Stand crooked and cut straight

This is my personal favorite —  I have been using it like crazy of late. Sometimes you find yourself in a bad situation. Use where you are as a way to get yourself out and make future plans. For instance, your job is not working out well. For the time being, stay in it, but focus on where you want to be. Network, get another degree, learn the skills that will help you get as well as succeed at the job you really want. It’s all about making the best of the current situation while working on getting to the next level.

In closing, I hope you enjoyed these gems – please share the favorites from your family!

 

Happy Father’s Day!

My father’s 80th birthday, giving you dapper all day!
Kids Suing Parents: Bringing Back Old Fashioned Discipline

Kids Suing Parents: Bringing Back Old Fashioned Discipline

rachel

The legal world (as well as social media) has been ablaze as a result of 18 year old Rachel Canning’s attempt to sue her parents for living expenses. Shortly after Rachel’s lawsuit became public, there have been some reports that 80’s television star “Mr. T” was sued by a man claiming to be his son, under the grounds that Mr. T’s abandonment of him as a boy caused him to become a gang member.

 Rachel Canning claims that her parents were abusive, and their behavior forced her to move out of her parent’s home to a friend’s house. The parents, on the other hand, allege that Rachel refused to follow household rules. She stayed out late, came home intoxicated, and was disrespectful to her parents.

The judge in this case denied the teen’s motion for immediate support, but further motions, including money for college tuition, are pending. This story has been trending worldwide.  In Mr. T’s case, his alleged son, now in his 20’s, filed a lawsuit for $5.4 million dollars.  It was dismissed in 2013 because the filing fee was not paid in a timely manner.

The question is, what does this say about America, and how we discipline our kids?

A phenomenon that appears to be increasing is the fear of arrest as a result of disciplining your child.  The threat is of “Mom, Dad, if you touch me, I will call DCF/child protective services/the police”. As a result, many parents back down, and children are taught that they can misbehave without consequences. Additionally, they have learned to manipulate the system, with the clear message that threats can produce the desired consequences.

There is a very clear line between child abuse and discipline. Child abuse involves beating, burning or otherwise causing physical harm to a child. If a mother burns her child’s hand with an iron, that is abuse. If a father hits his son with a baseball bat, that is abuse. But spanking your child is NOT abuse.

 The criminal justice system has had to adapt to cultural differences that child rearing presents. While many American families utilize techniques such as having the child sit in a corner, or be in “time out”, many families from other countries are more physical in their methods of discipline. Having been raised in a Caribbean household, I was acutely aware of my boundaries as well as the uncomfortable consequences for misbehavior.

This is not to say that one is necessarily better than the other. Many sociologists have studied the area, coming to varied conclusions. The key is, every child is different. Some children respond to privileges being revoked; others may need more forceful reinforcement. But a parent should never be in fear of their children, or fearful to discipline them.

Fortunately, the judge saw through Rachel’s attempt to avoid the consequences of her actions. Her parents clearly told the court that if she returned to the family home, her tuition and all of her expenses would be paid. Today, the attorney for the Cannings announced that Rachel moved back into the family home; however, the lawsuit is still pending.

From a legal perspective, hopefully this will not set a nasty trend for kids to use the legal system to get around the authority of their parents, or punish their parents for whatever shortcomings they may have.

On a social perspective, this is a tragic situation for the Canning family. Having your personal affairs paraded through the media is certainly difficult, and it is clear this family is broken. Hopefully this family seeks counseling, because at the end of the day, they are tied by blood.

 And always will be.

The author Melba Pearson is an attorney in South Florida. Follow her on Twitter @ResLegalDiva