October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month; it is a cause near and dear to my heart. Last year I did a series RLD on DV, outlining the reasons why folks stay with their abusers and resources to help those who are victims.
It is interesting to note, and bears repeating, that this is an issue that affects all levels of the socio-economic rainbow. I love hearing stories of women who overcame violence to find success. In the months since I published the story about singer Michel’le and the abuse she suffered at the hands of rapper/producer Dr Dre in my piece “Straight Outta PR: Hip Hop, Violence Against Women & An Apology”, Lifetime TV did a movie about her story. I think it is critical that the stories continue to be told on the small and big screens.
In pain, there can be found resilience and strength. I absolutely adore Taraji P. Henson — I watch her religiously every week on the hit show Empire. There is an intense story behind her glory — before the fame and the awards (as in Golden Globe, Emmy, and NAACP Image Award), there was an abusive mate. She left him, even though that meant she would have to struggle as a single mom; but found success beyond her wildest dreams. See her story in People Magazine.
But let us not forget the perils of leaving. A tragic story out of Chicago where a woman tried to break off her engagement — she went to her ex’s apartment to return the ring, where he stabbed to death and subsequently took his own life. It is heartbreaking to know that in her last moments, she called her father. The tale of this victim is a cautionary one; if you are trying to leave someone who is abusive or unstable, do not encounter the person alone. Never underestimate the power of desperation to control and violence.
What gives me hope is some of the great programs that working with victims of domestic violence. It is more than just the abused spouse; it is the children who have to witness their family member — the person that is supposed to protect them — abusing and being abused. The “Camp HOPE America” program featured in the Huffington Post does a great job working with the children of trauma in domestic violence relationships. Also, one morning on the Tom Joyner morning show, I learned about Daylight Inc, a program started by a DV survivor in Atlanta which helps women leave. Sometimes shelters are not available exactly when you need them; her program seeks to fill the gaps.
Domestic violence is a serious serious crime. It hurts so many; we must not turned a blind eye and assist those who are trying to make a difference in their communities.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you are a friend of someone who is going through a violent situation, stand by the person. Abusers thrive on isolating victims from support systems, their families, and the outside world. Make sure that your friend knows that you are there to assist them. It does take several tries before a victim will eventually leave the relationship; often as many as 4 to 5 attempts to be finally free. It’s a tough situation to be in, but just know that your actions may save a life.